This Mother’s Day came fast

And unexpectedly

Causing me to remember your last

Breath many times; hauntingly and repeatedly.

This Mother’s Day came uninvited

Finding me unprepared,

And into the dark nightmares I was led.

So, now, at ghastly images I do stare.

Behind my eyelids and in the awakened

Gaze I see these ghosts of the past

These signs of where you bled

And where you breathed your last.

In front of my face and looming

Are these reminders clear as the sunny sky

Of the ways you were dooming

Yourself to die.

My dear mother,

I wish that it was all different,

That you didn’t see yourself as a bother,

And from our hearts you would no longer be rent.

-The Poet of Windy Blue

This Mother’s Day hit me with an unexpected amount of grief. I am going on year 3 since my mom’s suicide, so I thought I might be in the clear for a lot of the pain by now, but I was mistaken. This year, specifically, I was assaulted by flashbacks of the terrible things I witnessed in her house and the days/weeks leading up to and following her death. These flashbacks have been relentless and occurring both day and night. This poem was an attempt to get some of it out of my head and to simply express how much I miss my mom.