October Rain

October rain falling.

Spine chills,

And numb fingers.

September saw

My heart ablaze

With strange stirrings.

Love,

Arose in my dead heart.

Unbidden, welcomed.

Tentative advances.

Breath.

Held.

Trembling fingers

Reached.

Everest hope.

October rain falling.

The fire drowning.

Friendship bleeding.

-The Poet of Windy Blue

I wrote this poem in 2019. I was living in Europe, and despite living my best life full of travel and adventure, I was incredibly lonely. Romantically, my life was a mess, and I kept messing up any fledging relationship that I formed. I was often mistaken about the level of feelings or commitment of my partners, which made me even more dejected and anxious. I was lost. I was searching for external love and validation, but the unfortunate fact was that I didn’t really love myself. Until I learned how to do that, I was sort of stuck in this cyclic and unhealthy pattern. This poem is a relic of that age and serves as a marker of how far I’ve come. In a way, it hurts looking back at that previous version of myself. I wish I could go back in time and tell him that it would all be okay, that he would eventually find his soulmate, and that the terrible aching loneliness that he was feeling would eventually pass. I guess this is true for most things in life – we can’t see the end until we have reached it, and then looking back we can see that it was possible all along. Whatever you are going through, my friends, it will pass. Peace.