The Imposter in the Desert

The GWOT is drawing down.

The young Lieutenant finally deploys

To the desert.

But ’twas the wrong one.

And the GWOT is drawing down.

The young Lieutenant stands in the desert

Of Africa.

Not Iraq. Not Afghanistan.

And the GWOT is drawing down.

The young Lieutenant sleeps soundly in the desert camp

That was attacked months before.

Months before. Meanwhile his friend is attacked in the Afghan mountains.

And the GWOT is drawing down.

The young Lieutenant got close.

Close to following his older neighbors, classmates, brothers and sisters, friends to the desert.

Not close enough.

And the GWOT is drawing down.

The young Lieutenant promotes.

And promotes again.

Seven years of service goes by like grains of desert sand through his fingers.

And the GWOT drew down.

No longer a Lieutenant.

Finally becoming a man,

He realizes the true war is within.

And the GWOT drew down.

And the true war is within.

The man realizes

If he wasn’t enough without it, he would never be enough with it.

And the GWOT drew down.

And now there is only life to be had.

Life to be had.

Somehow having it is the hardest battle.

-The Poet of Windy Blue

Another reflection on service. Imposter syndrome is something I have is very common amongst veterans, my peers who still serve, and even myself. To be honest, it is the hardest battle I have had to fight in my adult life. My passion to serve felt like it was thwarted by time and circumstance. I wanted to be worthy of the sacrifice of many of my personal heroes and friends. I wanted to serve like they did. Not seeing combat directly really gave me an enormous case of imposter syndrome that I have carried with me for years. However, I am learning that comparison is the thief of joy and that there is so much more to life than combat. In fact, life is probably better without it. Life is hard enough as it is. I am learning that everyone’s service looks different, and so much of what happens in our lives is beyond our control. I am learning to be okay with that and to be grateful for the life I do have. To lean into my life. To embrace the normalcy of it. To focus on my duty as a husband. To be a good friend and a good person of society.